Gloomy Post (Strength I need)

Assalamualaykum wbt and sobahul kheir.

I hope this morning would be enough kheir for you dear reader(s) :)

How are you, Heart?

I guess it should be kheir enough. Yaiks too many kheir!

May it goes back upon you, and me <3

Aamiin.

Dear Heart,

I bet, so this is the day that I thought in my mind before, ‘The would be a gloomy day for me to write to’.

Today is it.

Time now is 7.33 am. Too early for me to still get up and write! Wow.

Heart,

This morning I already decide to read some Quran verse.

That’s my medicine whenever I felt sad, nor in others negative feeling.

Quran with translator is the best way. For sure.

This is not a commercial on any product(s), this is over beyond reality.

I cry.

Felt like feeling that I disappointed my mom.

That feelings.

It blend altogether.

I asked Allah, to talk to me in His way.

To give some strength upon me.

He replied, in Surah Ar-A’raf, verse150-151.

Lemme google first.

English Translate: When Moses came back to his people, angry and grieved, he said: "Evil it is that ye have done in my place in my absence: did ye make haste to bring on the judgment of your Lord?" He put down the tablets, seized his brother by (the hair of) his head, and dragged him to him. Aaron said: "Son of my mother! the people did indeed reckon me as naught, and went near to slaying me! Make not the enemies rejoice over my misfortune, nor count thou me amongst the people of sin."

Malay Translate: Dan apabila Nabi Musa kembali kepada kaumnya dengan marah dan dukacita, berkatalah ia: "Amatlah buruknya apa yang telah kamu lakukan sepeninggalanku; mengapa kamu terburu-buru (tidak menunggu) perintah Tuhan kamu?" Dan ia meletakkan Lauh-lauh (yang mengandungi tulisan Taurat) itu serta ia memegang (rambut) kepala saudaranya (Nabi Harun) sambil menariknya kepadanya. Nabi Harun berkata: "Wahai anak ibuku! Sesungguhnya kaum (Bani Israil) memandangku lemah dan nyaris-nyaris mereka membunuhku (ketika aku melarang mereka); oleh itu, janganlah engkau menjadikan musuh bergembira melihat (tempelakmu) terhadapku, dan janganlah engkau jadikan daku termasuk dalam golongan orang-orang yang zalim".

In the same time, I asked for dua’ to recite, and He replied fast:

English Translate: Moses prayed: "O my Lord! forgive me and my brother! admit us to Thy mercy! for Thou art the Most Merciful of those who show mercy!"

Malay Translate: Nabi Musa berdoa dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhanku, ampunkanlah bagiku dan bagi saudaraku, dan masukkanlah kami ke dalam rahmatMu, kerana Engkaulah sahaja Yang Maha Mengasihani dari segala yang lain mengasihani".

Masya Allah He heard me :’) Too soon He replied :’)

I know I was not alone.

Thank you Allah.

I am a sinner. And always will be.

And He keep ‘guiding’ me, for me to always remind of Him.

Thank you Allah.

Allah is Merciful.

Well said, I’m not angry, nor going to be mad.

It was just, a tiny disappointed feeling, stain in my little tiny heart.

Dear my love of mine (you know who you are),

I’m not just a typical woman whom will be okay whenever I faced with some unexpected circumstances.

To be honest, I expected this before. While we know each other?

To face with it, I need Him. Strength. So much.

I will never aversion nor hate you.

You’ll always be in my heart, your name within my daily dua’.

I promise, always will be.

Take a good care of your heart, our heart-- very well.

The one whom love you silently,

B.